দুজন দুজনকে ভালোভাবে বোঝার নামই হচ্ছে সংসার । আর সংসারে শান্তি বজায় থাকে স্বামী-স্ত্রীর উভয়েরই সম্মিলিত চেষ্টায়। এককভাবে কেউই একটি সংসার এগিয়ে নিতে পারে না। সংসারে সুখ ও সম্পর্ক টিকিয়ে রাখার জন্য স্বামী-স্ত্রী মধ্যেই ভালোবাসা, সহমর্মিতা, আন্তরিকতা এবং আত্মত্যাগ অনেক জরুরি। নইলে সংসারের শান্তি টিকিয়ে রাখা কঠিন হয়ে পড়ে।
টাকা-পয়সা, ধন-দৌলত, সৌন্দর্য বিবাহিত জীবনকে সুখী ও সাচ্ছন্দ্য করতে পারে না। সম্পর্ক টিকিয়ে রাখার জন্য সবচেয়ে বেশি প্রয়োজন আন্তরিকতা। বিনীত, নমনীয়, বিশ্বাসযোগ্য, ভালো স্বভাব, সহযোগী মনোভাবাপন্ন, ক্ষমাশীল, উদার ও ধৈর্যশীল গুণগুলো সংসার টিকিয়ে রাখতে সাহয্যে করে। এই বৈশিষ্টগুলো একটি বৈবাহিক জীবনকে এনে দিতে পারে অবিরাম সুখ ও শান্তি।
সংসারের সুখ-শান্তি টিকিয়ে রাখতে কিছু ব্যাপারে স্ত্রীর চেয়ে স্বামীর দায়িত্ব কিছুটা বেশি। কেননা তার সামান্য একটি কথায় অনায়াসে ভেঙ্গে যেতে পারে কষ্টে গড়া সুখের সংসারটি। তাই এক্ষেত্রে পুরুষের মধ্যে থাকতে হবে নারীদের কিছু বিষয় বোঝার ক্ষমতা। স্বামী-স্ত্রী একে অপরকে সব কথা অকপটে বলতে পারলেও বেহিসেবী কিছু কথা ও কাজ না করাই ভালো, যা আপনার দাম্পত্যে ঝামেলা সৃষ্টি করবে।
অন্যের স্ত্রীর সঙ্গে তুলনা করবেন না
নিজের স্ত্রীকে অন্যের স্ত্রীর সঙ্গে কখনোই তুলনা করতে যাবেন না। যদি স্ত্রীকে বলেন “তুমি আমার ঐ ফ্রেন্ডের বা ঐ ভাইয়ের বউয়ের মতো না” তাহলে এ কথা শোনার পর স্ত্রী অভিমান করতেই পারে। হয়তো মুখ ফুটে বলবে না। তবে মনে মনে যেক্ষোভ রয়ে গেল তা পরবর্তীতে সংসারে অশান্তি ডেকে আনার জন্য যথেষ্ট। আবার ”তোমাকে কেমন জানি দেখাচ্ছে, সুন্দর করে সাজতে পারো না?” এ ধরনের কথা স্ত্রী কেন, ছোট শিশুদের বললেও মনে কষ্ট পাবেন তারা। বিশেষ করে অন্যের স্ত্রীর সঙ্গে তুলনা করলে স্ত্রীকে অপমান করা হয়। এ ধরনের কথাও স্ত্রীকে বলবেন না। আপনার এমন আচরণে আপনার স্ত্রী মনে কষ্ট পায়। তাকে যথেষ্ট সম্মান দিয়ে কথা বলুন।
আদর্শ জীবনসঙ্গী খুঁজতে
খোঁচা দিয়ে কথা বলবেন না
দাম্পত্য সম্পর্কে ভালোবাসা ও শ্রদ্ধার ভারসাম্য থাকা জরুরি। অনেক দম্পতি আছেন যারা একে অপরকে ছোট করে, খোঁচা দিয়ে কথা বলে একধরনের বিকৃত আনন্দ পান। নিজের স্ত্রীকে ছোট করলে নিজেকেও ছোট হতে হয় যা অনেকে বুঝতে পারেন না। স্ত্রীর খাবার খাওয়া নিয়ে স্বামী খোঁচা দিয়ে কথা বলেন অনেক সময়। কোনো মানুষকেই তার খাওয়ার বিষয়ে কিছু বলা উচিত নয়। কেউ বেশি খান, কেউ কম—একেক জনের খাদ্যাভ্যাস একেক রকম হয় সেটা মাথায় রাখতে হবে। স্ত্রীর প্রতি সচেতন থাকলে বুঝিয়ে খুবই বিনয়ের সঙ্গে বলবেন। কোনোভাবেই যেন ব্যঙ্গ না হয়।
আবার অনেক সময়ে স্বামী তার স্ত্রীকে ”অলক্ষুণে” বা ”অপয়া” বলে থাকেন। মনে রাখবেন আপনার স্ত্রী আপনার সংসারের খারাপ চান না। তাই এসব কথা বলা একেবারেই উচিত নয়। দেখা যায় অনেক স্বামী স্ত্রীকে বলে যে “তুমি কোন কাজ করো না।” অনেক সময়ে কোন কাজ হয়তো স্ত্রীর অজানা থেকে যায় কিন্তু তাই বলে তাকে তিরস্কার করবেন না।। প্রয়োজনে তাকে শিখিয়ে দেবেন। এরকম করলে দুজনের প্রতি শ্র’দ্ধা ভালোবাসা বেড়ে উঠবে এবং এভাবে আপনিও আপনার স্ত্রীর কাছে ভালো স্বামী হিসেবে গড়ে উঠতে পারবেন।
স্ত্রীর মনে কষ্ট দিবেন না
স্বামী ও স্ত্রী একে অপরকে কখনই বলবেন না যে তুমি এত স্বার্থপর কেন? স্ত্রী যদি আপনার পছন্দমতো কাজ না করে তাহলে তাকে দোষী মনে হতে পারে। কিন্তু তাকে স্বার্থপর বলতে যাবেন না। অনেক স্বামীর মুখে শোনা যায় তারা স্ত্রীকে বলে ” তুমি তো কিছুই তো করতে পারো না”। সহযোগিতা না করে ঘরে ফিরে কোনো কোনো স্বামী বলেন, “অন্যের বউ সবই সামলায়, তোমাকে দিয়ে কিচ্ছু হবে না, তুমি ঠিক তোমার মায়ের মতো হয়েছো।” মনে রাখবেন আপনার এ ধরনের কথাগুলো স্ত্রীকে মানসিকভাবে প্রচন্ড রকম আঘাত করে। এগুলো আপনার মনমানসিকতা কতটা নিচু, তার প্রকাশ করে।
বিবাহিত জীবন নিয়ে কোন আফসোস নয়
প্রায় প্রতিটি বিবাহিত দম্পতি তাদের জীবনের কোনো না কোনো সময়ে তাদের বিবাহ সম্পর্কে বিরক্তি প্রকাশ করে। “তোমাকে বিয়ে করে আমি ভুল করেছি তোমার থেকে অন্য কোন মেয়েকে বিয়ে করলে আমি আরো বেশি সুখী হতাম।” এমনটা বলা চরম মূর্খতা। ঝগড়ার সময় এধরনের কথাগুলোই সম্পর্ক আরও তিক্ত করে তুলতে পারে। বিয়ের মাধ্যমে যে আপনি ক্ষতিগ্রস্ত হয়েছেন এটি তাই প্রকাশ করে। স্ত্রী যদি কিছু ভুল করে থাকে তাহলে আপনার অবশ্যই সেটিকে সঠিক করে দেওয়া উচিত এবং এ বিষয়ে স্ত্রীকে বোঝানো উচিত।
অনেক স্বামী কথায় কথায় স্ত্রীকে বলেন ”আগের মতন তোমাকে আর ভালো লাগে না, তোমার কারনেই আমার জীবনে যত কষ্ট”। এছাড়াও অনেকে আবার দ্বিতীয় বিয়ে করার চিন্তা করেন। এতে দুজনের মধ্যে স’ম্পর্ক নষ্ট হয়ে যাওয়ার প্রবল সম্ভাবনা থাকে। খারাপ পরিস্থিতি ছাড়া এ কাজ করা মোটেও উচিত নয়। স্ত্রীকে ভালোবাসুন এবং স্ত্রীর কাছে একজন আদর্শ স্বামী হিসেবে নিজেকে গড়ে তুলুন।
সংসারে শান্তি চাইলে কখনোই সাবেক প্রেমিকা বা স্ত্রীর কথা মনে করিয়ে দেবেন না। অভিমানের বাষ্প এমন রূপ নেবে যে নিজেই নিশ্বাস নিতে পারবেন না। স্বস্তি চাইলে সব ভুলে যান।
আপনার মায়ের সাথে তুলনা করবেন না
ধরুন আপনার স্ত্রী হয়তো শখ করে স্পেশাল কোনো খাবার রান্না করেছে। কোন কারণে যদি রান্নাটা খেতে ভালো না হয় তবে ভুলেও বলবেন না ”রান্না ভালো হয়নি বা আমার মায়ের কাছ থেকে শিখে নিয়ো।” সাধারণত স্ত্রীরা এ ধরনের কথা মেনে নিতে পারেন না। শাশুড়ির সঙ্গে নিজের তুলনা করলে গুরুত্ব কমে যাচ্ছে কি না, এ ধরনের একটা জটিলতা তৈরি হয় তাঁর মধ্যে। তাই আপনাকে মনে রাখতে হবে, যাঁর প্রশংসা তাঁর সামনে করুন, কাউকে ছোট করে নয়।
শ্বশুরবাড়ির লোকজনকে নিয়ে বিরূপ মন্তব্য নয়
বিয়ের পরে নতুন জীবন এবং শ্বশুরবাড়ির লোকজনের সাথে সামঞ্জস্য করা অনেকটা কঠিন কাজ। শ্বশুরবাড়ির লোকজনের সাথে সম্পর্ক খারাপ হতেই পারে অথবা তাদের অনেককে আপনি অপছন্দ করতেই পারেন। তাই বলে রাগের মাথায় ”আমি তোমার বাবা-মাকে ঘৃণা করি’’এ ধরনের কথা ভুলেও বলবেন না। কোন ব্যক্তি অপরের মা-বাবাকে গালিগালাজ করা অর্থ নিজের মা-বাবাকে গালিগালাজ করা। একজন স্বামী কখনোই তার স্ত্রীর পিতা-মাতাকে উদ্দেশ্য করে কটু কথা বলবেন না।
আমরা সবাই আমাদের বাবা-মাকে ভালোবাসি। সঙ্গীর মা-বাবার সম্পর্কে বিরূপ মন্তব্য করলে তা বৈবাহিক সম্পর্কে অশান্তি বয়ে আনবে।
স্ত্রীর চাইতে গুরুত্বপূর্ণ আর কিছুই নয়
প্রতিটি স্ত্রী-ই চায়, পৃথিবীতে স্বামীর কাছে সে যেন বেশি প্রিয় হয়। অন্য যে কোনো কিছুর চাইতে তার গুরুত্ব স্বামীর কাছে বেশি থাকে। কাজেই একে অপরকে সম্মান করুন। কখনো তাকে একথা বলে কষ্ট দিবেন না যে, ‘তোমার চেয়ে আমার চাকরি গুরুত্বপূর্ণ।’ যখন একজন স্বামী বা স্ত্রী বলে যে সে তার সঙ্গীর চেয়ে আরও গুরুত্বপূর্ণ কাজ করে, তখন সে তার স্ত্রীর ভূমিকা এবং অবদানকে কেবল অসম্মান করে না, পাশাপাশি শ্রেষ্ঠত্বও দেখায়। মনে রাখবেন, প্রতিটি কাজ অনন্য এবং সম্মানিত।
আপনি যখন বলেন যে আপনি আরও গুরুত্বপূর্ণ কাজ করছেন বা “তোমার চেয়ে আমি বেশি আয় করি” অথবা ”আমি কত টাকা ইনকাম করি তা সম্পর্কে কি তোমার ধারণা আছে?”তখন আপনার সঙ্গী কতটা আঘাত পান তা আপনি কল্পনাও করতে পারবেন না। আপনার সময় না থাকলে তাকে বুঝিয়ে বলুন। সে বুঝবে। কিন্তু এভাবে তাকে অসম্মান করা যাবে না।
ভালো আচরণ করুন
এমন কিছু স্বামী আছেন যারা ঝগড়া হলেই স্ত্রীকে বাপের বাড়ির রাস্তা দেখিয়ে দেন। কিন্তু শিক্ষিত ও আত্মসম্মানবোধ সম্পন্ন নারীরা এ ধরনের কথা শুনেতে পছন্দ করেন না। তাই স্ত্রীর সঙ্গে ঝগড়া লাগলেই তাকে বাড়ি থেকে বেরিয়ে যাওয়ার কথা বলা যাবে না। আবার নিজের স্ত্রীকে বলবেন না “আমার ভাই-বোন খারাপ। সম্পর্ক কখনো একরকম ভাবে প্রবাহিত হয় না। এখন হয়তো আপনার ভাই বোনের সাথে আপনার স’ম্পর্ক ভালো নেই কিন্তু প’রবর্তী ক্ষেত্রে দেখা যেতে যেতে পারে তাদের সাথে সুস’ম্পর্ক গড়ে উঠেছে। কিন্তু আপনার স্ত্রীর মনে এই কথাগুলি থেকেই যাবে।
ঝগড়ার সময় স্বামী-স্ত্রী পরস্পরকে এমন অনেক কথা বলে ফেলেন যার জন্য পরে অনুশোচনা হয়। কথার আঘাত সবচেয়ে বড় আঘাত। সামান্য একটি ভুল বাক্যই আপনাদের মধুর সম্পর্কে ফাটল ধরাতে পারে। আবার ভালো সময়েও সেই কথাগুলো আপনাদের মন খারাপ করিয়ে দিতে পারে। কারণ কাছের মানুষের কাছ থেকে তিক্ত কথা ভোলা সম্ভব হয় না সহজে।
আর হ্যা এটাও সত্য যে, সংসার জীবন যে সব সময় সুখের হবে তা কিন্তু নয়। আবার একসঙ্গে থাকতে গেলে মতের অমিল হবেই। কখনো কখনও সংসারে নেমে আসবে দুঃখের কালো ছায়া। আর এই সময়ে একে ওপরের প্রতি বিশ্বাস হারালে চলবে না।
কল করুনঃ+880-1407-004393 অথবা +88-01782-006615 এ।
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