5/5 - (1 vote)

বিয়ে যদি দেরিতে করা হয় তাহলে নারী ও পুরুষ উভয়েরই কিছু শারীরিক ও মানসিক সমস্যা দেখা দিতে পারে। মানব দেহের অনেক জটিলতা রয়েছে, যার কারণে মানব যৌবন বেশিদিন স্থায়ী হয় না। দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে যৌন মিলন ঠিকভাবে না হওয়া, বাচ্চা না হওয়া, বাচ্চা মিসক্যারেজ বা গর্ভপাত হওয়া ইত্যাদি সমস্যা বেশি হয়। বিয়ের বয়স পার হয়ে গেলেও বিয়ে হচ্ছে না আমাদের দেশের অধিকাংশ যুবক-যুবতীদের। এখনকার মেয়েদের বিয়ের গড় বয়স বাড়তে-বাড়তে ৩০-এ গিয়ে ঠেকেছে। আর ছেলেরা এখন বিয়ে করছে ৩২-৩৫ বছর বয়সে।

আজকে আলোচনা করবো দেরিতে বিয়ে হওয়ার মূল কারণ আসলে কি এবং দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে ছেলে ও মেয়েদের কি ধরনের সমস্যা হয়।

দেরিতে বিয়ে হওয়ার কারণ কি?

পারিবারিক ও সামাজিক কারণ

বর্তমানে নারী ও পুরুষ উভয়েই দেরিতে বিয়ে করার পক্ষে। কেননা তারা তাদের ক্যারিয়ার নিয়ে অনেক বেশি সচেতন। ছেলেদের পাশাপাশি অনেক মেয়েই এখন পড়ালেখা শেষ করে চাকরী বা ব্যবসা করতে চান। ক্যারিয়ারমুখী হওয়ার কারণে অনেক মেয়েই পড়াশুনা শেষ হওয়ার আগে বা চাকরি হওয়ার আগে বিয়ে করতে চায় না। তারা মনে করেন বিয়ের পর শ্বশুরবাড়িতে পড়াশুনা বা চাকরি করা নিয়ে অনেক বাধ্যবাধকতা থাকে। এজন্য তারা দেরিতে বিয়ে করতে চান। কিন্তু তারা দেরিতে বিয়ে করার অসুবিধাগুলো নিয়ে চিন্তা করেন না।

দেরিতে বিয়ে করার বেশ কিছু সমস্যা রয়েছে। যদিও এখনকার আধুনিক সমাজের মানুষেরা উন্নত মন মানসিকতার, তারপরও দেরিতে বিয়ে করলে কিছু না কিছু সামাজিক জটিলতা থাকে। মেয়ের অনেক বয়স হয়ে গেলে হয়ে গেলে তার জন্য উপযুক্ত পাত্র খুঁজে পেতেও বেশ জটিলতা তৈরি হয়। কেননা ছেলেরা বিয়ে করতে গেলে একটু কম বয়সের মেয়েদেরই খুঁজে থাকেন। ফলে মেয়ে যদি অনার্স বা মাস্টার্স পাস করে ফেলে তাহলে তার জন্য ভালো এবং উপযুক্ত ছেলে পাওয়া বেশ কষ্টকর যায়। আর্থিকভাবে স্বাবলম্বী ছেলেরা থাকে তুলনামূলক কম শিক্ষিত মেয়েদের পছন্দ করে। ছেলেদের ধারণা, স্ত্রী বেশি শিক্ষিত হলে তাদের উপর সহজে নিজের মতামত প্রতিষ্ঠা করা যায় না।

আর্থিকভাবে স্বাবলম্বী না হওয়া

আমরা অনেকেই মনে করি, ছেলেদের দেরিতে বিয়ে করা ভালো। অবশ্য বেশীরভাগ ছেলেরা নিজেরাই দেরিতে বিয়ে করতে চায়। কারণ বিয়ে শুধু জমজমাট একটি অনুষ্ঠান নয়, বিয়ে একটি দায়িত্ব। সঙ্গীর প্রতি দায়িত্ব, সম্পর্কের প্রতি দায়িত্ব এবং পরিবারের প্রতি দায়িত্ব। এসব দায়িত্ব ভালোভাবে পালন করার জন্য শারীরিক ও মানসিক প্রস্তুতি প্রয়োজন। অনেক ছেলের আয়-উপার্জন কম থাকে। তাই তারা তাড়াতাড়ি বিয়ে করতে ভয় পায়। বিয়ের পর যেহেতু খরচ অনেক বেড়ে যায়, তাই তারা যতদিন না আয় বাড়ে, ততদিন বিয়ে করতে চায় না।

আদর্শ জীবনসঙ্গী খুঁজতে

ছেলেদের স্বাধীনচেতা মনোভাব

ছেলেরা সবকিছুতেই স্বাধীনতা পছন্দ করে। তারা মনে করে, বিয়ে করলে তারা স্বাধীনতা হারিয়ে ফেলবে । তারা তাদের মনমতো কিছুই করতে পারবে না। এ কারণেই ছেলেরা মনে করে বিয়ে যত দেরিতে করা যায়, ততই ভালো। আবার অনেক ছেলেরাই মনে করে, বিয়ে করলেই স্ত্রীর দায়িত্ব ঘাড়ে চেপে বসবে। তারা এই বাড়তি ঝামেলা নিতে চায় না। এ কারণে বিভিন্ন সমস্যা দেখিয়ে তারা বিয়ে পেছাতে চায়। অনেকে নিজের পছন্দে বিয়ে করতে চায়। যতদিন না কাউকে বিয়ে করার মত মনে হয়, ততদিন তারা বিয়ে করতে চায় না।

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে মেয়েদের কি সমস্যা হয়?

সন্তান জন্মদানে অক্ষমতা

মেয়েদের দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে যে সমস্যা সবচেয়ে বেশি হয় সেটা হলো গর্ভপাত। একটি গবেষণায় দেখা যায়, যাদের বয়স ২০-২৫ তাদের গর্ভপাতের ঝুঁকি হলো ১০%, আর যাদের বয়স ২৬-৩০ তাদের গর্ভপাতের ঝুঁকি হলো ২০%। অর্থাৎ মেয়েদের বয়স যত বেশি হয়, গর্ভপাতের ঝুঁকি ততই বাড়ে। তাছাড়া বয়স বাড়ার সাথে সাথে মেয়েদের সন্তান জন্ম দানের ক্ষমতা কমে যায়। মেয়েদের সন্তান জন্ম দেয়ার ক্ষমতা সবচেয়ে বেশি থাকে ১৭-২৪ বছর বয়সে। আর এই সময় নারীদের কনসিভ করাও সহজ কারণ এই সময়ে তাদের ব্লাড প্রেশারের ঝামেলা ,ডায়বেটিস ইত্যাদি সমস্যা কম থাকে। বয়স বৃদ্ধির সাথে সাথে নারীদের ডিম্বাণুর কোয়ালিটি খারাপ হতে থাকে।

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে সন্তান জন্মদানে সমস্যা

মেয়েদের দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে মা এবং সন্তানের অনেক ধরনের শারীরিক সমস্যা হতে পারে। মেয়েদের বেশি বয়সে বিয়ে হলে দেরিতে বাচ্চা নিতে অসুবিধা হয় আর ডেলিভারির পর অনেক সময় রক্ত বন্ধ হতে চায় না। এখনকার বেশীরভাগ মেয়েই বিয়ে করে ২৬-২৭ বছরে এবং কনসিভ করতে করতে বয়স গিয়ে দাঁড়ায় ত্রিশের কোঠায়। বেশি বয়সে বিয়ে হলে সন্তান নষ্ট হওয়ার বা পঙ্গু ও বিকলাঙ্গ সন্তান জন্মানোর আশঙ্কা থাকে। বিশেষ করে বেশি বয়স্ক বাবা-মায়ের সন্তানদের মধ্যে ডাউন সিনড্রোমের মতো রোগের আশঙ্কা বেশি থাকে।

বিয়ের প্রতি আগ্রহ হারিয়ে ফেলা

সাধারণত মেয়েদের বয়স বেশি হয়ে গেলে চেহারার মধ্যে বিভিন্ন ধরনের পরিবর্তন আসে। অনেকের চেহারার লাবন্যতা কমে যায়। নির্দিষ্ট একটি সময় পার হওয়ার পর ছেলে ও মেয়েদের মধ্যে শারীরিক বিভিন্ন জৈবিক চাহিদা সংক্রান্ত ব্যাপারে পরিবর্তন আসে। বিয়ে হতে দেরি হলে এক পর্যায়ে তারা বিয়ের প্রতি আগ্রহ হারিয়ে ফেলেন। আমাদের সমাজের রীতি অনুযায়ী, একজন মেয়ের সফলতা ও ব্যর্থতা বা নির্ভর করে তার স্বামী ও সংসারের অবস্থার উপর। তাই এই সমাজে বিয়েতে দেরি হলে আত্মবিশ্বাস হারিয়ে যাওয়াই স্বাভাবিক। যখন ক্রমাগত নিজের কাছের মানুষ এবং প্রতিবেশীরা খোঁটা দিতে থাকেন তখন অনেক মেয়েই নিজের প্রতি আস্থা হারিয়ে ফেলেন আর নিজেকে আস্তে আস্তে একাকী করে ফেলেন।

বিষণ্ণতায় ভোগা

সমবয়সী বোন বা সব বান্ধবীরা নিজেদের জামাই পেয়ে গেছে, আপনি হয়তো বারবার চেষ্টা করেও পাচ্ছেন না। অথবা অনেকেই হয়তো আপনাকে এসে শুধু দেখেই যাচ্ছে, বিয়েটা আর হচ্ছে না। এরকম হলে বেশীরভাগ মেয়েরাই নিজেদেরকে বিয়ের অযোগ্য মনে করতে শুরু করেন। মনে করেন, তারা এতোটাই অযোগ্য যে কোনো ছেলেরই তাকে পছন্দ হচ্ছে না। এভাবে মেয়েরা হতাশ হয়ে পড়েন। তাছাড়া বন্ধু-বান্ধবীদের সবার বিয়ে হলে গেলে মেয়েরা একলা হয়ে পড়েন। বিয়ের পর সবাই নিজের ফ্যামিলি নিয়ে ব্যস্ত হয়ে পড়ে। সুতরাং যার বিয়ে হয়নি তিনি হয়ে পড়েন একলা। বন্ধু-বান্ধব কাউকে কাছে না পেয়ে মেয়েরা বিষণ্ণ হয়ে পড়ে, আর সেই বিষণ্ণতা থেকেই মনের মাঝে জন্ম নেয় হতাশা ও শূন্যতা। সুতরাং দেরিতে বিয়ে না করাটাই সঠিক সমাধান।

বেশি অস্থির হয়ে পড়া

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে অনেক মেয়েই খুব তাড়াতাড়ি একটা বিয়ের জন্য অস্থির হয়ে পড়েন। অবিশ্বাস্য হলেও এটা সত্যি যে অস্বাভাবিক হলেও এটা সত্যি যে দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে বাবা-মায়ের চেয়ে প্রতিবেশীদের মাথা ব্যথা বেশি হয়। তারা ভাবতে শুরু করে যে, মেয়ের মধ্যে হয়তো কোনো দোষ আছে যার জন্য ছেলে পক্ষ তাকে পছন্দ করছে না। আর এসব মানসিক চাপ থেকেই মেয়েদের মনের মাঝে ক্রমাগত ঘুরতে থাকে যে ‘বয়স পার হয়ে যাচ্ছে, তাড়াতাড়ি বিয়ে করতে হবে!’ আর এই পার হয়ে যাওয়া বয়সকে টেক্কা দিতে একজন জীবনসঙ্গীর জন্য ব্যস্ত হয়ে পড়েন অনেকেই।

ভুল মানুষটিকে বিয়ে করা

ক্রমাগত পারিবারিক ও সামাজিক চাপের কারণে অনেক মেয়ে যে ভুলটি করেন সেটা হচ্ছে, ‘অনেক হয়েছে, আর দেরি করতে পারবো না, এখন সামনে যাকে পাবো তাকেই বিয়ে করবো।’ এভাবে একজনকে পছন্দ না হলেও তাকে বিয়ে করে নিজেকে সান্ত্বনা দিতে চান। আবার অনেকে পরিবারকে খুশি করার জন্য নিজের অমতেই বিয়ে করতে বাধ্য হন। দেরিতে বিয়ে হলেও এই ভুলটি কখনো করবেন না। ইচ্ছা না থাকা সত্ত্বেও স্বামী হিসেবে এমন একজনকে হয়তো পছন্দ করলেন, যার ফলে আপনার দাম্পত্য জীবনে সর্বদা ঝগড়া আর অশান্তি লেগে থাকলো। সুতরাং একটি ভুল সিদ্ধান্ত আপনার জীবনের অশান্তি কমাবে না বরং আরও বাড়বে।

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে ছেলেদের কি সমস্যা হয়?

স্পার্ম বা শুক্রাণু কমে যায়

বেশিরভাগ ছেলেরাই এখন ক্যারিয়ারে নিজেদেরকে প্রতিষ্ঠিত করতে গিয়ে ৩০-৩৭ বছরে বিয়ে করছে। দেরিতে বিয়ে করার ফলে অনেকেই বিবাহিত জীবনে নানান ধরনের ঝামেলার মুখে পড়ছে। বয়স বাড়ার সাথে সাথে ছেলেদের স্পার্ম বা শুক্রাণু কমে যায় এবং দুর্বল হতে থাকে। এছাড়া বয়স যত বাড়ে, পুরুষের যৌনাঙ্গও তত দুর্বল হয়। আমাদের সমাজে নারীদের বয়স বৃদ্ধি পাবার সাথে সাথে সন্তান জন্মদানের ক্ষমতা হ্রাস পাবার বিষয়টাকে যতটা গুরুত্বের সাথে দেখা হয়,পুরুষদের ক্ষেত্রে ততটা গুরুত্ব দেয়া হয় না। এখনকার ছেলেরা বিয়ের অনেক আগে থেকেই হস্তমৈথুনে অভ্যস্ত হয়ে পড়ে। আবার দেরিতে বিয়ে হবার কারণে অনেকেই বিকল্প হিসেবে নিয়মিতভাবে হস্তমৈথুন করে। অনিয়ন্ত্রিত হস্তমৈথুনের কারণে পুরুষের বন্ধ্যাত্ব বৃদ্ধি পায়।

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে যৌন ক্ষমতা কমে যায়

পুরুষের যৌন ক্ষমতা ধীরে ধীরে বাড়তে থাকে এবং এক পর্যায়ে তা সর্বোচ্চ হয়ে আবার কমতে শুরু করে। ৩০ এর পর পুরুষের দেহে যৌন হরমোন টেস্টোস্টেরনের উৎপাদন প্রতি বছরে ২% হারে কমতে থাকে। ২০-২৫ বছরের একজন প্রথমবার সেক্স করার পর মাত্র আধ ঘন্টার মধ্যেই পুনরায় যৌন মিলন করার জন্য প্রস্তুত হয়। অর্থাৎ একজন ২৫ বছরের পুরুষ একদিনে যতবার সেক্স করতে পারে, একজন ৩০ বছরের পুরুষ ততবার যৌন মিলন করতে পারে না।

বিয়ের পরে অশান্তি

৩০ পার করে বিয়ে করলে স্বাভাবিকভাবেই বয়সের কারণে যে গাম্ভীর্য চলে আসে তার জন্য দাম্পত্য সম্পর্ক খুব বেশি মধুর ও ঘনিষ্ঠ হয় না। বেশি বয়সে বিয়ে হলে ছেলে-মেয়ে উভয়ের মধ্যে অ্যাডজাস্টমেন্ট, স্যাক্রিফাইস বা মানিয়ে নেওয়ার ক্ষমতা কমে যায়, ধৈর্যক্ষমতাও কমে যায়। তাই দেরিতে বিয়ে করলে সংসারে অশান্তি বেশি হয়। আগেকার দিনে শারীরিক চাহিদা পূরণ করা ছিল তাড়াতাড়ি বিয়ের বড় একটি কারণ। প্রাপ্তবয়স্ক মানুষের যৌনসক্ষমতা বেশী হয়। দেরিতে বিয়ের কারণে বিয়ের আগে শারীরিক সম্পর্ক এবং ব্যভিচার বেড়েই চলেছে।

হতাশ হয়ে পড়া

দেরিতে বিয়ে হলে অনেক ছেলেরাই বিবাহিত বন্ধু-বান্ধব বা সামাজিক অনুষ্ঠানগুলো এড়িয়ে চলতে চান। কারণ সামাজিক অনুষ্ঠান মানেই ‘বয়স তো অনেক হলো, বিয়ে করছো কবে’- এ ধরনের একগাদা প্রশ্নের সম্মুখীন হওয়া। এমন অবস্থায় একজন পুরুষ মনের মানুষ পাবার জন্য ব্যাকুল হয়ে ওঠেন। ছেলেরা মনে করেন বিয়ে না হওয়াটা একটা দোষ এবং সেই দোষ ঢাকতে তারা কিছুটা বাড়াবাড়ি করেন। কারো কারো মধ্যে নিজেকে অহেতুক শো-অফ করার প্রবণতা বেড়ে যায়।

বিয়ে করার সঠিক সময় কখন?

প্রতিটি পরিবারের একটি ভবিষ্যতের পরিকল্পনা থাকা উচিত। এ কারণে দেরিতে বিয়ে করা উচিত না। বাবা-মা যদি বেশি বয়সে বিয়ে করেন তাহলে তারা তাদের সন্তানদের বড় করার পেছনে যথেষ্ট সময় দিতে পারেন না। তাই সন্তানের ভবিষ্যতের কথা চিন্তা করে হলেও দেরিতে বিয়ে করা ঠিক নয়। বলা হয়ে থাকে ৩০ এর মাঝেই নারী পুরুষ উভয়েরই বিয়ে করে ফেলা উচিৎ তবে সেটা নারীদের ক্ষেত্রে আরও কিছুটা আগে হলে ভালো। মেয়েদের বিয়ের বয়স ১৯ থেকে ২৪ বছরের মধ্যে হওয়া উচিত।

বিশেষজ্ঞরা বলেন, বিয়ে করার আদর্শ বয়স ২০ থেকে ৩০ বছরের মধ্যে। এ সময়ের মধ্যে যারা বিয়ে করেন, তাদের দাম্পত্য জীবন  অনেক সুখের হয় এবং তাদের ডিভোর্সের ঝুঁকি অনেক কম থাকে। একটি গবেষণায় দেখা যায়, যারা ২৮ থেকে ৩২ বছর বয়সের মধ্যে বিয়ে করেন, তাদের মধ্যে ডিভোর্সের প্রবণতা বেশি থাকে। গবেষকরা মনে করেন, যারা দেরিতে বিয়ে করে, তাদের জীবনে সাফল্যও দেরিতে আসে।

এটা বৈজ্ঞানিকভাবে প্রমাণিত যে, ৩০ এর পর থেকে মেয়েদের সন্তানধারণ ক্ষমতা কমতে থাকে। ৩৫ বছরের পর থেকে এই ক্ষমতা আরো দ্রুত কমতে থাকে এবং ৪০ বছরে গিয়ে এই ক্ষমতা অর্ধেকে নেমে আসে। আর বয়স বাড়ার সাথে সাথে অস্বাভাবিক বা বিকলাঙ্গ বাচ্চা হওয়ার হারও বাড়তে থাকে। তাছাড়া ত্রিশের পর প্রথম বাচ্চা নিলে ব্রেস্ট ক্যান্সার বা স্তনের ক্যান্সার হওয়ার সম্ভাবনাও বৃদ্ধি পায়। পুরুষদের ক্ষেত্রে বয়স ৪৫ বছর পার হয়ে গেলে বাবা হওয়ার ক্ষমতা পাঁচগুণ কমে যায়।

ছেলেদের ক্ষেত্রে বিয়ের সময়ের ব্যাপারটা একটু বেশি গুরুত্বপুর্ণ কারণ শুধুমাত্র যৌবন প্রাপ্ত হলেই একটি ছেলে বিয়ের জন্য উপযুক্ত হননা। বিয়ের পর স্বামী-স্ত্রী উভয়ের খরচ সাধারণত পুরুষকেই বহন করতে হয়। নিজের স্ত্রীর পাশাপাশি বাবা-মা এর প্রতিও দায়িত্ব পালন করতে হয়। সুতরাং ছেলেকে বিয়ের জন্য যেমন শারিরীক ভাবে ও আর্থিক ভাবে স্বাবলম্বী হতে হবে ঠিক তেমনিভাবে বুদ্ধিমান ও বিচক্ষণও হতে হবে।

দেরিতে বিয়ে- শেষ কথা

নিজের ক্যারিয়ার, আর্থিক অবস্থার পাশাপাশি বিয়ের বয়সটাকেও গুরুত্ব দিতে হবে। তবে বিয়ে না হওয়াটা কোনো দোষের কিছু নয়। বলা হয়, বিয়ে সম্পূর্ণভাবে মহান রাব্বুল আলামিন এবং ভাগ্যের উপর নির্ভর করে। তবে শুধু ভাগ্যের উপর নির্ভরশীল না হয়ে সময় মত বিয়ের সিদ্ধান্ত গ্রহণ করে নিজের জীবনকে আরও একধাপ এগিয়ে নিয়ে যেতে হবে। বন্ধু-বান্ধব, আত্মীয়-স্বজন এবং পরিচিতদের মাধ্যমে পাত্র-পাত্রীর অনুসন্ধান করতে হবে। পাশাপাশি ভালো পাত্র-পাত্রীর জন্য অনলাইন ঘটক বা ভালো ম্যারেজ মিডিয়ার সাথে যোগাযোগ করতে হবে।

বিয়ে সংক্রান্ত যেকোনো তথ্য, সেবা, এবং পরামর্শ পেতে যোগাযোগ করুন তাসলিমা ম্যারেজ মিডিয়ার সাথে।
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